Yes you read that right. If you haven't already heard we are expecting again!
To fill you in a bit...
After we lost Olivia in October, we ended up getting pregnant in late November and had a positive test in early December. Because of our recent miscarriages that seemed to come out of nowhere I was pretty consistent in taking a test each night to make sure I got on progesterone pills the second I saw that pink line. Well, it was DARK, then lighter, then lighter and the night before I was supposed to go in for a blood test it failed to show. I called my Dr and she agreed there was no need to come in and that my body just naturally would take care of it again. At first hearing those words didn't really phase me. I think I was still so numb to everything and didn't want to get my hopes up in the first place. Even David said that the night I showed him the positive pregnancy test. Poor David, he had too lost the joy that we once had seeing those lines appear. I was so saddened for him... for us. The next day my Dr called and said she wanted me to go meet with the top Doc of the practice since my situation now losing three pregnancies make things "complicated" She said obviously my problem wasn't conceiving... the progesterone cream had helped us there. But now, my body wasn't able to sustain these pregnancies and that was devastating. She mentioned the possibility of a tear or a hole in my uterus from my past trauma with Briella's delivery and offered a potential laproscopic procedure to go look and see how my uterus had healed. I got off the phone and cried. It was sounding more and more like a "no" from God instead of the "just wait" I had previously heard. The thought of losing any more babies crushed me and I was done. That night I asked David how many more are we going to suffer through before we head down the road to adoption. He had a hard time with that question but after talking through some fears we decided we would pursue adoption in the fall. Once he was finished with his CFP schooling. Until then we would stop trying and just enjoy the time with the girls (especially Christmas) and being present with one another and start over a New Year fresh! It had been the hardest year I personally and we as a married couple have ever gone through in the 8 years together and I was ready for a clean slate!
Fast forward to January 5th. I was realizing that I wasn't losing my "holiday pooch" and was feeling a bit off... to rule things out my sister encouraged me to take a test. I was still 10 days or so away from a cycle and knew nothing would show up... plus it was the late afternoon. But, to rule it out I took it and NO JOKE the line appeared immediately! At 2 in the afternoon!!! I was elated and speechless and excited then I was terrified and nervous and scared that I was further along that I thought and I hadn't been on progesterone this whole time and really started to spiral. I called my Dr and they got me in that day for a blood test. Sure enough I was 5 weeks along and my numbers (12 with Olivia) were showing 120 and my progesterone levels (1,5 with Olivia) were 20 I was shaking!!!! They said everything looked healthy but wanted me to come in a few more times every other day to continue monitoring baby's numbers. They also put me on a 600mg dose of progesterone (which was overkill and made me feel drunk and shaky and I couldn't even walk) The next few results were even better Hcg 340
pro 41
and again
Hcg 750
pro 43
This baby was going to make it! The progesterone truly helped save it and God of course spared this little one. We went in for an ultrasound and seeing the tiny life the size of an ant with a BEATING heart was the BEST moment ever for us! I still didn't want to get my hopes up but at the same time, I had no reason NOT to trust God at this point. Everything looked so great and healthy and it really seemed like this was it! The baby we had been praying for for more than 2 years! An answer to my deepest prayers!
After confirming baby was viable (I prefer healthy) they FINALLY transferred me over to high risk and I would be under the care of the best of the best. the hero of a Dr. that saved my life. This was happening! It was so surreal but it was happening. Then I went in for an 8 week U/S and got to see the sweetest little baby.
I still don't know why God chose to call home the other three and not this one or why the progesterone was so needed for survival with Olivia but this baby was able to sustain without it... But I do know that through all of this I have learned to trust, even blindly sometimes knowing that God knows exactly why these things happen and has the most perfect plan in store for our family.
I still miss Olivia. Her June arrival fit so perfectly into MY plan complete with the picture of three little girls all being best friends just like my sisters and me. Oh I can't wait to meet her one day. My heart still aches but my heart has also grown even bigger to love this new baby. I can't wait to see how THIS little miracle, this little fighter will impact our family come August.
Please continue to lift up this sweet baby with us. We are anticipating an amazing pregnancy and delivery. After all, I am in the best hands... His hands.
0 comments:
Post a Comment